We’re slowly counting down the days till we officially become part of the US Army and are shipped off to S. Carolina for our Basic and Advanced training. And with every passing hour it feels as if that pressure in our chest both recedes and increases. With every passing day we face another battle with our collective worry and anxiety.
It’s not easy going off the join the military. It’s even harder going off to join the military when the entire other half of your mind will be more than 1,000 miles away along with the ever present nagging fear of the unknown. It feels as if a giant weight is being pressed on our chest and a white fire is burning in our temples. Of course, it gets better and worse. We’re lucky that Infantry has taken a liking to medicinal herbal remedies and has found for us an herb to help ease our anxiety and nervousness. Apparently Lemon Balm is also a mild sedative and nerve tonic. Whatever helps everyone with their troubles. We’ve also been trying to keep our mind off of it. It seems to help, until someone at work or the mothers at home decide to ruin it all by bringing up the Army and going away and how it’s ‘just around the corner’. Really? Thanks for that. It means a lot. >.>
Of course, it also doesn’t help that home life hasn’t been all that great either. It seems that no matter where we turn people are trying to squeeze out everything we have. I’m sorry we can’t help you pay the bills right now, we hardly even live here. They act as if we get paid $20 and hour when in reality, we’re probably getting paid just enough to buy gas, food, and a few comfort things like our Lemon Balm and Spearmint pillow mist to ease our troubled mind.
It’s chaos here. Everyone is scrambling to decide which side they’d rather be stuck on in case the worst case scenario plays out and the entire connected system gets ripped in half. Which we’re really hoping doesn’t happen by the way. We can barely live through the usual things that happen when the bodies are separated by long distances for short periods of time: heavy anxiety, trouble sleeping, trouble eating, trouble focusing, nightmares, dizziness, lack of energy, etc. We can’t even image what sort of things might happen when the bodies are separated for 2-4 months over 1,000 miles away.
Right now we’re just trying to focus all of our time trying to calm the body down and make sure it doesn’t have any more anxiety attacks. We all think it’s caused by the trauma that happened when Samari, Jenffa and Fox were young. It makes the most logical sense. So we’ve been taking the Lemon Balm herb, as I mentioned, 3 times a day with Chamomile tea (this seems to help the best) along with short naps with the Spearmint pillow spray in the middle of the day. All of that, along with making sure everyone keeps their mind on other things seems to be all we can do to keep it relaxed and calm. The last thing we need is another week long episode like what Samari was experiencing when we first got back from our trip to MEPS. It was like the body went into survival mode because it thought it was leaving the next day or something. Absolutely horrible. She could barely eat, couldn’t help but cry half the time, her body was shaking a lot and she mainly slept when she wasn’t crying or anything. She also couldn’t switch out with anybody and it was hard for her to focus on the inside or really hear anybody. It was similar to when the body is in danger like a car wreck (which poor Samari has also been in. Twice.) or when something very serious and dangerous has happened.
Right now, we’re doing the best we can. We’re hoping it’s enough. At times, the anxiety and worries aren’t so great. Like, Tuesday when we had to take our initial physical assessment for the Army. We did really well on that and were determined to show them we are nothing to underestimate. We were able to do 28 sit-ups, 11 push-ups and run a mile in 8:08. Apparently that’s incredible time and even faster than what’s expected from most girls. According to the booklet they gave us, we ran what was categorized as a boy in class C which is anywhere from 7:45-8:30. The fastest girl time in category A starts at 8:30. We did very well. Of course, it helps when you have a system with a good group of people who love to run and can make a relay team. We switched out with the next person every quarter mile. I’m not sure if that counts as cheating, but oh well.
- Jacob G and Donovan